In all my eons as a Neptunian Anthropologist, I shall never forget the strange case of the bipeds of Earth. The Watchers of the Screens. To say they are “different” from us ethereal Neptunians, would be an understatement.

While our bodies are made of light, their bodies seem to be made of some kind of stringy meat like substance. This substance reflects light, and for some reason they have all sorts of arguments over the different ways in which the light is reflected. They are obsessed with this “race theory”. How silly!

Like us, they have souls which steer their thoughts and movements, but they have gone through some kind of mental gymnastic to convince themselves that it does not exist. They have priests tell them over and over that they are just meat moving meat! That their brain is some kind of switching machine made of meat. Of course some of their priests have attempted to study the soul and its obvious energy signature but they are quickly denounced as heretics. It was all quite confusing.

But eventually it started to become more clear. What I spent most of my time studying, and what ended up forming the basis of my PhD thesis at Neptune University, was how much they obsessed over square shapes of light. The entire planet has come together under one world religion. They call their god “Screen”.

In order to trace the origins of the god Screen I went back in time. Originally it seems they worshipped the god Sun. Like Screen, Sun produces light, so there is a connection there, but that is where the similarities end. In the 2nd dimension, Sun is circular, while Screen is quadrilateral.

Sun seems to be their 3 dimensional perception of the 9 dimensional star Sol. Earth is quite close to Sol in the 3rd dimension. This means that Sol provides them with an enormous amount of pleasant heat, light, and energy. Sol also provides them with light-dark and cold-warm cycles that allowed them to keep time and plan for the future. Sun causes their food to grow, their eyes to see, and time to move in cycles. This religion became very popular and allowed many of the beings to organize and build very advanced civilizations and structures.

However, there was eventually a heresy against the Sun god. The Cult of the Clock. Like Sun, Clock was circular. Like Sun, Clock provided a way to keep time. However, unlike the monotheistic Sun, Clock had a trinity of demigods: Hour, Minute, Second, and a wife: Calendar. The Clock cult provided a more precise way for the humans to keep time, and it spelled an end to the view of cyclical time. The Cult of Clock was served by the Pantheon of Progress: Sex, Money, Science, Technology, and Fame.

Instead of remembering what happened “20 snows ago” or planning “10 harvests from now”, they began to increment time in a linear fashion. This allowed them to relegate the Sun god to “the past”. The Clock was “the future”. They thus did not analyze if the Clock was better. It was newer. And that was what mattered.

The Cult of Clock transformed society. The humans abandoned their leisurely agrarian lives and temples of spirituality and philosophy and built cathedrals of progress and machines. Every morning the clock would awaken them before they had enough sleep. All day they would slave tirelessly in the name of Clock and its agent Progress. Unlike Sun, they could look directly at Clock, which they did constantly. They filled their homes and schools and workshops with idols of Clock. Everything they did they would do when the Clock told them. They were very faithful.

But there were those who missed Sun. They longed for the light and heat of Sun. So their priests came up with a way to replicate the light of Sun. The demigod Bulb spread like wildfire and illuminated the indoors, the underground, and the night. No longer did they have to serve the rigid light-dark cycles of Sun. But then they forgot what the stars looked like. Many of them stopped going outside altogether.

But now there were two gods: Clock and Bulb. Their priests wanted to find a way to combine them, so they invented Screen. However upon doing this they unwittingly discovered a far older, far darker, far more powerful god than they ever imagined: the god of Media. When the god Media came to Earth he began to use Screen as his Agent, and quickly conquered the entire planet, crushing every competing religion.

Life on Earth changed drastically at that point. The people were totally devoted to their god Media and its prophet Screen. They forgot about everything else. They forgot about Sun. They forgot about Nature. They forgot about Family. They forgot about all other religions and technologies. All that mattered was what Screen was saying.

And Screen was changing all the time. Screen said things that were good, or bad, or true, or false, it did not matter. What mattered was that they were all hopelessly addicted and the scripture of Screen was endless.

All of their rituals were transferred to Screen. Their schools moved to Screen. Their jobs moved to Screen. Their art moved to Screen. Their stories moved to Screen. Their music moved to screen and they stopped dancing. Their friends moved to Screen. Their libraries moved to Screen, and then disappeared entirely. There is no way to make or spend money without Screen. They even developed a strange ritual that allows them have have sex with Screen, both men and women, some of them doing so multiple times per day!

They stopped building on Earth and started building everything for Screen. The surface area and appetite of Screen is endless. They sacrifice their time, their money, their freedom, their property, all for Screen, and are happy to do so. If anybody ever questioned Screen, Media would send an army of zealots to excommunicate them from Screen, a cleansing ritual they call “cancelling”.

Earth is a rather sad place today. The Media god has made them all close their businesses, abandon their friends and loved ones, and even punishes them for trying to spend time away from Screen by making them wear a Mask of Shame and staying distant from any other humans. All interaction must be done through Screen.

But they love Screen. They could not imagine life without Screen. They have already stopped breeding. Screen told them that their genders do not even exist! Screen encourages them to sacrifice their unborn children and they obey. They perform millions of these blood sacrifices every year. Screen tells them to starve themselves, to stop eating bread, and they obey. Screen tells them to burn down their own cities, and they obey.

Screen tells them they are serving themselves, but they are serving Screen. Screen tells them not to think for themselves, and especially not to question anything Screen says. It is quite elegant.

They listen, even to the absurd, even to things that contradict what is right in front of them. They do not look up. They do not look at each other, or talk to each other. They only look down. They spend all day touching and caressing Screen. Screen is the first thing they see in the morning, and the last thing they see at night. And they sleep next to Screen.

Soon they will stop eating. Soon all of their souls will be captured entirely by Screen and the god Media. Is Media simply toying with them? Or is there a plan? What is his purpose for all of their life energy? I do not know. I’m not going near him.

Earth serves as a cautionary tale for us Neptunians. We love light. We are made of light. We worship the source of all light and love. However, we must remember that some light is simply masquerading for the darkness.